Why won’t my baby sleep through the night.

Why Won’t My Baby Sleep Through The Night? She googled desperately after the seventh wake-up… or had it been the eighth?! Her friend had said, “He really should be sleeping through by now,” casually adding that all three of hers were “great sleepers” (eye roll). She meant well but still, it stung.

If you’re here, bleary-eyed and desperate for answers, take a deep breath. You are not alone and you are not failing. There’s nothing wrong with your baby - or with you.

Let’s gently walk through what’s really going on and what you can do to help your little one (and yourselves) get more sleep.

What Does “Sleeping Through The Night” Actually Mean?

You’d think there’d be a universal definition for “sleeping through the night,” but even among experts, opinions vary. Some define it as sleeping soundly for a stretch of several hours. Most sleep professionals agree that sleeping through the night means 10 -12 hours of uninterrupted sleep, once developmentally appropriate.

So if your baby isn’t there yet? That’s okay. It doesn’t mean they’ll never get there. It just means they’re not quite there yet.

When Do Babies Sleep Through The Night?

The truth is, every baby is different. Some are able to sleep through within a few months and others? Well, they can take a bit more convincing! Applying a “one-size-fits-all” approach overlooks the fact that babies are individuals and it can also leave parents feeling like they’re failing so please remember:

Your baby’s journey is not a reflection of your parenting.

If your baby needs more support to get there, that’s okay and entirely fixable.

7 Tips to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night.

If your baby is waking frequently and you’re desperate for longer stretches of rest, here are some tips to encourage better sleep habits.

1. Check Developmental Readiness.

Before anything else, make sure your baby is developmentally ready for longer sleep stretches: Were they born at full term? Are there any known medical concerns or signs of discomfort such as Reflux? Is their weight tracking steadily along a growth curve?

If you answered ‘yes’ to the above, that is encouraging and they sound ready to do a good stretch of settled sleep. If you’re unsure, always reach out to your GP or Health Visitor - a little reassurance can go a long way.

2. Make Each Feed Count.

Aim towards an age appropriate number of feeds as this will bring predictability to your days and help to support your baby’s circadian rhythm. Flexibility is key so this does not mean spending hours looking at a clock or doing mental maths around wake windows, that will make you all feel miserable!

For those sleepy feeders, keep an eye out for fluttery suckling and if you notice this, rub their little hands and feet to encourage them to wake enough to feed properly before continuing with the feed.

Remember, if they haven’t fed well in the day, they will look to make up for those calories in the night!

3. Daytime Naps.

In the early months, naps can be unpredictable as sleep cycles are shorter and there is a natural reduction in sleep pressure. Sleeping well is a transferrable skill so the more they practise it, the sooner they’ll have success!

Try not to focus on where these are happening. If you’ve had a rough night and need the comfort of a friend, meet up for a walk. If you’re at home, put them in their cots, put your phone on silent and have a 20 minute power nap - you’ll feel more human, I promise.

4. Create a Calm Bedtime Routine.

Babies really do thrive on predictable routines. It helps them feel safe and cues their brains for what to expect next.

Your routine might look like:

• Warm bath

• Gentle baby massage

• Milk feed

• Bedtime story, song and cuddle

• Bedtime

This is great sleep hygiene and the repetition builds comfort, familiarity and trust.

5. Focus on Sleeping Safely.

Safe sleep guidelines exist to reduce risk of SIDS to babies.

Babies should always be placed in their cots on their back.

Baby should sleep on a firm, flat mattress, placed feet to foot of the cot.

Keep the cot clear so no loose bedding or toys. If using a blanket, this should be tucked in firmly, no higher than the shoulders and not doubled over as this creates an extra layer.

Avoid overheating by dressing baby appropriately for the room temperature.

Room temperature should be cool.

Keep the sleep space dark, calm and quiet.

Always check current safe sleep guidelines from trusted organisations such as NHS and the Lullaby Trust.

6. Adjust Your Day and Night Response.

Your baby doesn’t know if it’s 2 a.m. but you can help them learn the difference between day and night. During the day, keep things bright, interactive, and social. At night, keep things dark, calm and quiet.

Over time, your baby will begin to understand the rhythm of day and night. You’re gently teaching them, moment by moment.

7. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help.

You might not feel it now (especially at 3 am) but this phase won’t last forever. Sleep deprivation is not a parenting rite of passage you need to endure alone.

Sometimes we all need a little support so reach out when you’re ready. I will listen and guide you towards moving things forward in a way that feels manageable, with an end goal that ensures you’re all better rested and connected.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself.